Jokes

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving

Politics is derived from the word Poly meaning  Many  and the word  Ticks meaning Blood Sucking Parasites

Subject: Fw: Daily Smile – Kittens        Little Kittens       A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home.

      THE SITUATION:   You are in Florida , Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is

? Extracts from letters written by tenants: Hmmm 1. It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it

 Going to Town     An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.  The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.    As

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I

                                    This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software. www.avast.com

Sharing some “little” known knowledge mixed with Greek history.   2500 years ago, a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’-me) was attending a great athletic festival in

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.       Example, the trade name is:- Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.      Amoxil

    The Pastor’s Ass     The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won !!    The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey    that he entered it in

An Engineer dies and goes to Hell:   Dissatisfied with the level  of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.

Subject: Clever Signs    sign in a shoe repair store in Vancouver :  We will heel you  We will save your sole  We will even dye for you.  A sign

https://www.youtube.com/embed/pD_yQZ4iNjY?rel=0

The Ten Commandments of Marriage       Commandment 1: Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.   Commandment 2: If you want your spouse

  Not A Cameron CROSS WORD.    One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the PM  was on the same flight.   

     A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.   “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. So I said ‘Implants?’;She hit me.————————————————————————–How come we choose from just two people to run for presidentand over fifty

On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary,   the wife thanks her husband for a wonderful evening.     “Oh. it’s not over yet,” says he.   Once

Jeremy Corbyn Wasn’t His Usual Self On ‘The Last Leg’

Workers’ rights at risk if we Brexit, says Corbyn-   It’s a Joke ?   Vote “Leave”          

I know people like this!   My wife sent these comedians her passport for a UK REMAIN  visa in early November 2015 and after 7 months – Yes seven months,

The Merc ky AA  Class ( Long Life Electric Car)   Beats all those BMW’s left behind at Stalingrad      https://youtu.be/arQ8_PW-RiA   After you have seen this you will

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it. • Venison for dinner, again? Oh, dear! • A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. • I used to

Subject: 20 worst puns ever         Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

Subject: Fwd: HELLO– I HAVE A QUESTION   Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one?   If 4 out of 5 peopleSUFFERfrom diarrhoea…does that mean that one out of fiveenjoysit?

    Dear Secretary of State for Work and Pension Benefits,     Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an18-year-old daughter. After the wedding,

Subject: Daily Smile – Inspiration My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15 to go. Ate salad for dinner …mostly croutons & tomatoes … really

Dear Abby, My husband hasn’t worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies.

Someone put a lot of thought into this!         10 years ago the  USA had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and  Johnny Cash.    Now the USA has no Jobs, no Hope  and no

     Immutable laws____   1.Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.     2.Law

A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car.    Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt.   After they

Whatever would we do without Little Johnny & the smiles/chuckles he gives us! Donald Trump was visiting a primary school in Orlando and visited a grade four class.   They

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, “I don’t know, I never had one.” The Clinton revised judicial oath: “I solemnly swear to tell the truth as

  PUNS — groaners actually!   Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine .   A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge.   1st April 2016

*** Opening Joke   Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers.   One of these speakers boldly approached the

Fwd: Why we must not let silly newspapers die                                               

 Marketing       People often ask for a simple explanation of the business world buzzword “Marketing.” Well, here it is:   You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

 Question      Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.  The only question asked was:-   “Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions

A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE READ:   We will heel you We will save your sole We will even dye for you.     In a Podiatrist’s office:   “Time

      You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.  Here are some examples:     FREEZER BAGS: They

  Government Letting you down ?   Assume you are a senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself. The government says there is no Nursing Home care

 An Infantry Major was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.     While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Major decided to pose

Summary of Life   GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.2) Forget the health food. You need all the preservatives You can get.3) When

    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.   The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down