Job Descriptions in the Real World
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you
didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your
wrist to tell you the time.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when
the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it
begins to rain.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why
the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but
lacks the personality to be an accountant.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a
plane, because that decreases the chances that there will
be another bomb on the plane.
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking
for a black cat which isn’t there.
A topologist is a man who doesn’t know the difference
between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document
and calls it a “brief.”
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when
a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
A school teacher is a disillusioned person who used to
think they liked children.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in a
way that makes you look forward to the trip.